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Most users ever online was 57 on February 26th 2014, 3:51 pm
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 My Justu

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Mao

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Posts : 7
Age : 25
Village of Residence : Reality
Join date : 2009-09-17
Cool Points (LOL) : 0
Hobbies / Interests : Not much just look for new things to do
Kekkei Genkai : Kenjutsu

PostSubject: My Justu   September 17th 2009, 2:00 pm

Five star burn: this justu is bad azz because I summon five fire balls and put them into a star shape form around you I then snap my finger and fire chains fly out of the five fire balls and as they do that they start to rap around you and pull you into the middle of the star at that point the fire balls are ready to explode so I snap my finger and they explode leaving a fire star in the sky.

Eternity nightmare: I summon a dark energy stone and with the dark stone I run up to you and place it upon your head once the stone is upon your head you fall into a nightmare for eternity and you can Olney awaken when I say so.

Shadow stone summoning: I summon all ten of the shadow stones and with the power of all ten stones my sword will be able to change into all ten of it’s forms the name of those forms are a secret.
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Zesu Rikoyae

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Posts : 303
Village of Residence : Village of Reality
Join date : 2009-05-03
Cool Points (LOL) : 4
Kekkei Genkai : Yaqio Ozunis (Way of the Martial Artist)

PostSubject: Re: My Justu   September 17th 2009, 4:00 pm

Ok so far I see some issues that will come up upon inspection that you may might want to check up upon first, my fellow newcomer.

Following Things Needs Editing:

1. Add your Gekki Kenkai along to your jutsu list so that people can understand what its abilities and such. If you're talking about the Kenjutsu (Way of the Sword) that I know of, then please describe it. However, if its not the Kenjutsu that I've reffered to, then please reconsider of revising it and describing what it does to avoid any confusion and conflict.

2.
Quote :
Eternity nightmare: I summon a dark energy stone and with the dark stone I run up to you and place it upon your head once the stone is upon your head you fall into a nightmare for eternity and you can Olney awaken when I say so.

I doubt that around your rank you'll be able to maintain keeping someone in their nightmare without cautioning that it will rapidly drain your chakra down while maintaining this. Keep in mind that you got a limit in your chakra pool until you get some training within it to increase it. In addition, it may be reconsidered into learning this move once you've achieved a higher rank instead of starting off with something like this. Seriously, limit down on how long you can keep them in the nightmare because eternity will not be a guaranteed profit in your rank. You can try it out at your rank, but I doubt that you'll be able to successfully use its effects against a higher up unless you're really tactical.

3.
Quote :
Shadow stone summoning: I summon all ten of the shadow stones and with the power of all ten stones my sword will be able to change into all ten of it’s forms the name of those forms are a secret.

I say limit this down to only two of the shadow stones at your rank until you improve in your rank and abilites. Then you can work yourself up into increasing the amount of shadow stones you can summon and use. Not only that, but summoning can critically drain down your chakra pool as well especially around your level so this may/will be limited upon you until further on.

4.
Quote :
Five star burn: this justu is bad azz because I summon five fire balls and put them into a star shape form around you I then snap my finger and fire chains fly out of the five fire balls and as they do that they start to rap around you and pull you into the middle of the star at that point the fire balls are ready to explode so I snap my finger and they explode leaving a fire star in the sky.

Maybe I'm not quite fully understanding this jutsu skill, but this really needs some serious limiting or earn it at a higher rank. I can't say much cause the way you've explained it was a bit confusing. @.@

This is just my opinion on your jutsus, but you really need to explain about your Kekki Genkai, newcomer. Other than that wait for a higher up to see what you need to edit around and wait for approval.
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Mahk-X

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Posts : 2963
Village of Residence : Twilight Village
Join date : 2009-05-04
Cool Points (LOL) : 55
Hobbies / Interests : Observing
Kekkei Genkai : Carbon Infusion

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PostSubject: Re: My Justu   September 17th 2009, 4:02 pm

I'd also suggest some english classes with your jutsu editing. Other than that, I agree with Zesu... enternal genjutsu is something for ANBU and up. Only then will Zorro sign yuor jutsu list with his seal of approval.
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Mao

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Posts : 7
Age : 25
Village of Residence : Reality
Join date : 2009-09-17
Cool Points (LOL) : 0
Hobbies / Interests : Not much just look for new things to do
Kekkei Genkai : Kenjutsu

PostSubject: Re: My Justu   September 17th 2009, 6:03 pm

ok I will dohat whe I get the time
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Domo

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Posts : 726
Age : 27
Village of Residence : Village Lost in the Depths
Join date : 2009-05-03
Cool Points (LOL) : 4
Kekkei Genkai : -Aura Split-|-Aura Merge-

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PostSubject: Re: My Justu   September 17th 2009, 6:32 pm

Lol looks like someone's taking my job.

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Let your rapidity be that of a wind, your compactness that of the forest.
In raiding and plundering be like fire, in immovability like a mountain.
Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.


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